On Victims and Victimization
Thought for your day #42, Sun 11/19/00
I was victimized this week.
Oh, nothing all that serious...yes, it cost me some precious time, and a few thousand dollars, neither of which can I recover.
But that does not make me a victim.
And no, I am not playing word games here.
"Stuff" will happen, folks. You know that. Some of it only bad, some of it unspeakably horrible.
And no matter how careful we are, we cannot protect ourselves fully to the extent that we will never, ever be victimized.
Victimization is an act. It is a verb. "To kill, destroy, injure, harm..." It is something that someone does.
But "victim" is a noun. A state of being. Yes, technically, of course the one who gets victimized is the "victim." I know that.
But I'm trying to make a point here.
Just because someone does something to us does not mean we must identify ourselves with that action.
Think about that very carefully.
I had a close relationship with a wonderful person. This person had been abused by her father. Unfortunately, this person had made this event the center of her identity. The meetings she attended, the words she used about herself, the books in her library, even the paintings on her walls all screamed out "Survivor of abuse." We worked together, and she was eventually able to throw nearly all of that material away. She courageously took the final step of healing, wherein she was free from the "survivor" label and genuinely, actually free.
It is a step that all too few people are able to take, unfortunately. America seems obsessed with creating, supporting, and maintaining a society of victims. From the talk shows to the tabloids to the politicians to the lawsuits, we are a nation of victims.
Look, when someone victimizes you, you have enough to deal with. You do not have to turn the rest of your life over to that person and make that event the focal point of your entire existence!
Remember, folks, it boils down to the basics: God's Name, living in you: I Will Be What I Will To Be.I learned this lesson when my first wife left me for her high school boyfriend because he was, and I quote, "More muscular." Ministry, music, my mind and marriage lost out to muscles. And for the first 3 months I reveled in the Victim role, making all my conversations center around "How could she do that to me?" with my friends appropriately sympathizing.
Then, one night, YHWH talked to me...reached into my brain and asked me to take a look at myself...And I realized that I was enjoying the victim role, getting sympathy and strokes and attention and...And I didn't really like it. I realized I was, ultimately, giving her way too much power over me. Her actions were controlling my life and feelings even months after the fact!
And that's when I learned what I call the 5 magic words:
"I am not a victim!!!!!"
So yes, I was victimized. And yes, I hated it. And yes, I got angry.
But I took steps to deal with it.
And I have never, ever, EVER thought of myself as a victim since.
It's all a matter of perspective.
